PREMARITAL SEX IS TOO BAD.

I’ve talked before about whether the Bible
says that premarital sex is a sin . (It does.)
But have you ever wondered why God would
warn against it?
God does not set up rules just to make things
difficult or keep us from having fun. Actually,
it is the opposite: God only prohibits things
because they are harmful to us, and hurt our
relationship with Him. We are not to murder,
steal, lie, or cheat on our spouses because
those things always lead to pain for one or
both of the parties involved. That is true even
if you don’t believe in God, because the
consequences we are talking about take place
here in this life.
The same is true with premarital sex:
regardless of your beliefs, premarital sex is
still a really bad idea.
Sex Ed

Some of the potential consequences of
premarital sex, such as pregnancy or STDs,
are so obvious that it seems almost silly to
mention them. Besides, you can eliminate
those possibilities if you are careful, right?
Maybe not:
In the U.S., there are still about 3
million unintended pregnancies each
year, and 1.2 million abortions.
Singles account for almost all of
those abortions, and the majority
(54%) were using some form of
contraception.
According to the CDC, there are
about 19 million new cases of
sexually transmitted diseases in the
U.S. each year. STDs would be
virtually nonexistent if not for sex
outside of marriage; if each person
had only one partner, they would
have no STD to transmit.
Still, at least you can take steps to make
those things less likely. There are other
consequences, though, that you can’t protect
against.
Your Brain on Sex
The reason sex is so pleasurable is because it
triggers the release of chemicals (such as
dopamine, oxytocin, and vasopressin) in the
brain. Some important things to know about
these natural drugs:
They produce emotional bonds.
Oxytocin, for example, plays a big
role in causing mothers to bond with
their newborn children. They are part
of God’s design for sex because they
cause you to bond with your spouse.
Outside of marriage, they still cause
you to bond—with your girlfriend, your
computer screen, or whomever/
whatever may be present at the time.
They are addictive. They create
passageways in the brain that then
become a “path of least resistance”
towards that next chemical high. In
other words, each time it becomes a
bit easier to say “yes” and harder to
say “no.”

So, when you have sex outside of marriage,
you are creating that strong bond with the
person (or fantasy). But most of the time, you
don’t end up marrying that person. There is a
break-up, which is more painful because of
the bond. You start seeing someone else, and
since you are becoming conditioned to it, you
are now more likely to have sex with them—
and also bond with them.
Wrecking Your Marriage Before It Starts
Now let’s say that you do get married at some
point. Numerous studies show that people
who have premarital sex are more prone to
divorce. The biology of it explains why: they
are not bonded just to their spouse. If
anything, they are addicted to variety—taught
not to bond.
Some people claim that is just how humans
are, and that we are not wired for monogamy.
But the bonding chemicals prove that we
actually are created for monogamy ; the
problem is that we have rewired our brains by
using sex outside the commitment of
marriage.
My Story
I say all this because this is part of my story.
I started having sex in high school. By college,
sex had become a sport for me, and I
eventually became a sex addict.
Then I came to know Christ, and got married.
At my wedding, I literally prayed and thanked
God that I had escaped the consequences:
specifically, that I did not have an STD, or a
child born out of wedlock, or a psycho ex-
girlfriend waiting outside to kill me. I thought I
had gotten away with it .
I hadn’t.
Year 1 of our marriage: honeymoon. Year 2:
disaster. It was a misery I can’t even put into
words. I know you may find this hard to
believe, but I would have gladly chosen the
consequences of having an STD or a child out
of wedlock, over being in this prison to a
struggle with a woman that I had no idea how
to love.

God has worked in and through us since then,
to bring healing and to build this really
amazing marriage that I don’t deserve. But it
was hard, and I want to spare you that.
I also want to let you know there is hope; you
are not disqualified for anything just because
you are not a virgin. But the best way to
pursue what God has for you is to start
healing now.